Personal Boundaries
OUT LOUD is dedicated to creating pathways to allow every member of our community to identify, establish, communicate, & maintain individual and collective boundaries throughout all forms of collaboration. This includes, but is not limited to ongoing communication surrounding our "Personal Boundaries":
Everyone has personal boundaries, but not everyone has the same personal boundaries. Our personal boundaries are important, but not always obvious to others and are more likely to be crossed if not clearly communicated. While our boundaries exist whether we communicate them or not, naming them for others may help a miscommunication in the future. To ensure we are leading with care and compassion for all involved, it’s important that we all understand and feel comfortable telling others about our boundaries.**
Identifying personal boundaries as we collaborate in varying capacities (mind, body, space, and spirit):
- MIND: What are my known boundaries in terms of the "mind"? What boundaries might I have in terms of topics, themes, or elements of collaborative discussion, and/or processing information / how information is shared and/or communicated?
- BODY: What are my known boundaries in terms of the "body"? What boundaries might I have in terms of my physical interactions?
- SPACE: What are my known boundaries in terms of the "space"? What boundaries might I have in terms of my engagement with my environment?
- SPIRIT: What are my known boundaries in terms of the "spirit"? What boundaries might I have in terms of my emotional capacity?
Establishing/Communicating personal boundaries as we collaborate in varying capacities:
It is important to maintain a continual and ongoing awareness of the personal boundaries of our collaborators and to never take for granted their level of comfortability or given circumstances when it comes to our discussions, physical interactions, engagement with environment, and/or emotional capacity. OUT LOUD is dedicated to facilitating ongoing opportunities to establish/communicate individual and collective boundaries through our Holistic Onboarding process, Check Ins, and our open Accountability Pathways. This includes, but is not limited to, holding space for the process of navigating / unpacking newly identified and/or shifting personal boundaries.
Scripts for boundary building & setting:
@connectwithoumou
"I do not have the capacity to..."
"I value... so I cannot..."
"I am not okay with your commenting on/about my...if it happens again I will..."
"Let me check in with my body..."
"I need some time to think about this..."
"I invite you to say - I get to have boundaries - they are a way of connecting with myself and others - and notice what happens in your body."
It is important to maintain a continual and ongoing awareness of the personal boundaries of our collaborators and to never take for granted their level of comfortability or given circumstances when it comes to our discussions, physical interactions, engagement with environment, and/or emotional capacity. OUT LOUD is dedicated to facilitating ongoing opportunities to establish/communicate individual and collective boundaries through our Holistic Onboarding process, Check Ins, and our open Accountability Pathways. This includes, but is not limited to, holding space for the process of navigating / unpacking newly identified and/or shifting personal boundaries.
Scripts for boundary building & setting:
@connectwithoumou
"I do not have the capacity to..."
"I value... so I cannot..."
"I am not okay with your commenting on/about my...if it happens again I will..."
"Let me check in with my body..."
"I need some time to think about this..."
"I invite you to say - I get to have boundaries - they are a way of connecting with myself and others - and notice what happens in your body."
Maintaining personal boundaries as we collaborate in varying capacities:
It is equally important to maintain our established/communicated boundaries once they have been set, as well as leaving space for navigating a newly identified and/or shifting personal boundary. If someone crosses, violates, or does not consider a personal boundary, you may choose to engage with our Pathways & Policies regarding Collaborative Conflict, Harm Prevention, Harm Reduction, & Relationship Repair:
It is equally important to maintain our established/communicated boundaries once they have been set, as well as leaving space for navigating a newly identified and/or shifting personal boundary. If someone crosses, violates, or does not consider a personal boundary, you may choose to engage with our Pathways & Policies regarding Collaborative Conflict, Harm Prevention, Harm Reduction, & Relationship Repair:
Additional Resources:
@connectwithoumou
"Here is what I do when one of my boundaries has been crossed, violated, or not considered in a personal or professional relationship:
1. I practice somatic self-soothing strategies aka I take care of my body first
2. I check with myself and/or the other person to see if the boundary is something I've ever communicated to them
3. I take time to explore/consider what needs and values my boundary may be connected to
4. I make my current boundary known & ask the person if they have questions, concerns, or fears about the boundary
5. I try to resist the urge to critique myself or the other person(s)
6. I remind myself that building and setting boundaries takes time in personal and professional relationships
Building and setting boundaries takes time, energy, and patience."
@connectwithoumou
"Here is what I do when one of my boundaries has been crossed, violated, or not considered in a personal or professional relationship:
1. I practice somatic self-soothing strategies aka I take care of my body first
2. I check with myself and/or the other person to see if the boundary is something I've ever communicated to them
3. I take time to explore/consider what needs and values my boundary may be connected to
4. I make my current boundary known & ask the person if they have questions, concerns, or fears about the boundary
5. I try to resist the urge to critique myself or the other person(s)
6. I remind myself that building and setting boundaries takes time in personal and professional relationships
Building and setting boundaries takes time, energy, and patience."
Naming our Personal Boundaries & Potential Responses | EXAMPLES
I'd like to establish/communicate/remind you of one of my boundaries, when do you have the capacity to listen?
Thank you for checking in - I have capacity to listen _____.
You are currently crossing/violating/not considering one of my boundaries, please stop / I need to tap out and will follow up later to check in.
Heard and understood, I'm happy to discuss further when you are ready.
I'd like to establish/communicate/remind you of one of my boundaries, when do you have the capacity to listen?
Thank you for checking in - I have capacity to listen _____.
You are currently crossing/violating/not considering one of my boundaries, please stop / I need to tap out and will follow up later to check in.
Heard and understood, I'm happy to discuss further when you are ready.
I need my personal bubble today.
I’m glad you felt comfortable telling me.
I am "touched out" right now.
I didn’t know that, I hope you'll tell me if that changes.
I really don’t like being touched like that. Please do not touch me.
Thank you for telling me, I can let others know if you'd like.
I don’t have the capacity to chat today.
Thank you for telling me, I can tell others if you’d like.
I’m feeling uncomfortable and will need to remove myself from this conversation/interaction if you continue to speak/act like this.
I didn’t know that, but now I know you’re not ok engaging like this.
I really don’t like being called ______, please address me as ______
Thank you for correcting me. I will be sure to call you _____ in the future.
I’m glad you felt comfortable telling me.
I am "touched out" right now.
I didn’t know that, I hope you'll tell me if that changes.
I really don’t like being touched like that. Please do not touch me.
Thank you for telling me, I can let others know if you'd like.
I don’t have the capacity to chat today.
Thank you for telling me, I can tell others if you’d like.
I’m feeling uncomfortable and will need to remove myself from this conversation/interaction if you continue to speak/act like this.
I didn’t know that, but now I know you’re not ok engaging like this.
I really don’t like being called ______, please address me as ______
Thank you for correcting me. I will be sure to call you _____ in the future.
Addressing "Bids for Care" with Awareness | EXAMPLES
- I could use some support right now.
Potential Response: Can I offer you a hug?
- I am having a heavy day.
Potential Response: Would you like company or to be left alone right now?
- I don’t have the capacity to handle [XYZ] right now.
Potential Response: Can I bring you to a quiet place? I can let [person in charge] know you’re tapping out for the moment.
**Please Note: This does NOT apply to interactions defined as harassment or assault of ANY KIND. Please see our full "Pathways & Policies" regarding Session Agreements, Capacity, Autonomy, & Consent, Health & Safety, and Sexual Harassment & Supportive Services for more information.